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NHL Draft 2014: Bruins…win?

Meet the new boss.  Same as the old boss.  But at least we drafted the foreign exchange student from ‘Can’t Hardly Wait’!  You remember him, right?  The one who is taught to ask everyone to touch his penis??  Look at the headshot, and then look at the GIF.  Go ahead…tell me I’m wrong.     […]

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Why Your Expectations Should Be Low This Offseason

This is more rant than anything. You’ll probably hate it. Enjoy.  I think there are some ridiculous expectations of the Bruins this off-season. You’ve already heard people calling radio shows, writing blogs, tweeting that the Bruins need to make a huge move. “Ya the Broons need tah sign Tomas Vanek.” “Tha Broons should go aftah […]

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Bergeron, Tuukka Apply To Waste Management, Clean Up At NHL Awards

Seriously, this is Patrice Bergeron’s league – he’s just nice enough to allow everyone else to play in it. Bergeron cleaned up last night, taking home two trophies and also left as the NHL 15 cover person. After the completely unnecessary and over-the-top bullshit cover voting process that annoyed people who will actually play the […]

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Bruins: Days of Future Future, pt. 4

After focusing on talented offensive defenseman Anthony Deangelo last time, we decided to move the search back up front.  DOY didn’t travel far, either, settling on Deangelo’s talented and equally enigmatic teammate, Nikolai Goldobin.     Nikolai Goldobin, RW 5’11”, 180 lbs Sarnia, OHL ISS Ranking: 26   Goldobin’s profile matches that of the other […]

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Bruins Release Pre-Season Schedule

The Bruins have officially released their preseason schedule starting on September 23 in Montreal. I wonder if Milan Lucic will fucking kill anyone? Here’s the complete schedule 9/23 at MTL – 7:30pm 9/24 vs. WSH – 7:00pm 9/26 at WSH – 7:00pm 9/27 at DET – 7:00pm 9/30 vs. NYI – 7:00pm 10/3 vs. NYI […]

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Here’s the TD Garden Renovation’s super boring infographics

If you haven’t heard, the Boston Garden is getting renovated this summer and TD Garden social media team decided to present us with what might be the most boring infographics of all time. Ok, here it is. HASHING MARKS> ZOMG! But wait! There’s more! Do you really want to eat Garden Mexican food and then […]

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Power Play Guru Geoff Ward Resigns, Heading To Germany

The master of the power play, and I say that with so much sarcasm dripping from it you should get yourself an umbrella, has resigned and is apparently heading to Germany. From our friends at Pro Hockey Talk: Boston Bruins GM Peter Chiarelli announced Geoff Ward has resigned from his position with the team and has taken […]

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Bruins: Days of Future Future, pt 2. Or is it pt 3?

Now that our healing has begun…and Pez has shown us that it’s ok to love (and write) again… it’s time to continue examining the B’s potential first round draft prospects.  If there’s anything that we learned from Dennis Seidenberg’s knee injury this past year, it’s that German efficiency extends even to the ability to heal […]

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Pez Plays Armchair GM

Welcome one and all to the second annual “Pez Plays Armchair GM”, which is one of my favorite posts to write. I’m not even going to preface anything, lets just get into it. Note: Capgeek does not count the Iginla bonus against the Bruins cap. To counteract this, I subtracted the $4.2M that Iginla earned […]

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VIDEO TRIBUTE: We Say Goodbye To Shawn Thornton

Yesterday we told you that Shawn Thornton was done as a Boston Bruin. Instead of our normal Photoshop Eulogy where we display our favorite photoshops of the Boston Bruin leaving the team, we kicked it up a notch. There is no question that we have a huge bromance with Shawn Thornton. We don’t hide it […]

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Bruins GM Peter Chiarelli Confirms That Shawn Thornton Is Gone

Ugh. It was pretty much a foregone conclusion that the Bruins were looking to get younger and by doing that you have to get rid of the “old guard”. With Shawn Thornton becoming an unrestricted free agent this offseason, many believed Thornton would be done in Boston. Today, GM Peter Chiarelli basically confirmed it. Check […]

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Bruins: Days of Future, uh, Future?

“Another day, another draft pick that would be a good fit for the Boston Bruins if the 2014 NHL Draft just so happens to transpire in an advantageous way that would greatly benefit the hockey club.” – Bo Jackson   We continue down the draft road to Philadelphia by making a stop BEHIND THE (former) […]

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It Feels a Bit Draft-y Up in Here

Wow!  What a series, right?  The hockey world was shocked to see the Kings prevail in 5 games to win the Stanley Cup against the New York Rangers!  Ugh…No.  Despite multiple overtime games, the series was pretty boring and uneventful, and almost everyone’s prediction of domination from the west came to fruition.  Gary Bettman’s wet […]

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