Dear Bruins: You Stink and I Don’t Like You.

Bonus points for whoever gets this reference.  I am pretty sure all of this is not factual at all, but I am really fucking frustrated with the Bruins so you’re getting a rant. Enjoy it. Don’t enjoy. I don’t care. Last night was probably my tipping point on the Boston Bruins. I don’t think I […]


It’s Clobberin’ Time! Bruins Lose.

So Bergeron scored 33 seconds into the game and I was like…   Things looked like they might be on the upswing, but then some Lightning player whose name I will not even attempt to spell tied it up. Just one goal, no big deal, right?   J.T. Brown would give the Bolts the lead […]


Suck a Fart, Cats. *sigh* Bruins LOSE.

Once upon a time, nice things happened to the Bruins. They played good hockey and had good players and did good things. This is not that point in time. This is a point in time where the Bruins are struggling to get goals and make smart plays on the ice. The Bruins lost tonight to […]

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Break The Internet, Too Much GIF. Bruins Lose.

So, this is less than good. Bruins had a chance to all but put away the Senators tonight, but no, that would be too easy, wouldn’t it? Instead, Ottawatch 2015 continues as the Sens pull within two points of the Bs, with one game in hand, no less.   The theme of missed opportunities would […]


71. Boston Bruins at Ottawa Senators. Hamburglar?!

I’m sure I’ve used the phrase already but this is the biggest Bruins game to date. The Senators are currently four points back after the Bruins shit their pants against the worst team in the NHL. This is going to be a very telling game for this Bruins team. I talked about it on Twitter […]


Murray the Tank Engine. BRUINS WI…LOSE. LOSE?!

(Editor’s note: This game broke Jon’s brain. The Bruins are so confusing that they’ll go on a big win streak then lose to Lindback and the Sabres. LINDBACK. The only Back worse than Nickelback. So instead of doing a regular recap he decided to do story time instead and drink a tall glass of Buffalo […]


70. Buffalo Sabres at Boston Bruins. No Need For The Irish Luck Tonight.

Ah the Buffalo Sabres. The shit stains of the NHL. The Bruins and Sabres used to have a nice rivalry. It wasn’t anything to write home to Ma about. It wasn’t Bruins/Canadiens or Penguins/Flyers but it was fun. In the 2010 playoffs the #6 seed Boston Bruins rolled the #3 seeded Buffalo Sabres. The two […]


#ShitBidet Scores a Goal. Wrong Team Though. Bruins Lose.

Editor’s note: Tonight’s recap was written by the always funny Bree Mellen. Check her out on Twitter. Honk honk! All aboard the strugglebus, friends because this game was pretty gross. I’ll be your driver for the evening as the kind folks here at DOY have allowed me to recap the steaming pile of ass that […]

Rask Rap Battle

Inside Job. Bruins Win!

Yo. The Broons are beating good teams and looking good doing it. You could point to the Max Talbot deal, and say stupid things like grit, hustle, and heart. Or, you could look at it objectively and see that over the past 10 games, in which the Bruins have gone 8-1-1, David Pastrnak and Ryan Spooner […]


Quickcap. Bruins 3, Senators 1

1:02 2nd Ryan Spooner (2-Power play) from Torey Krug, Dougie Hamilton   15:21 2nd Loui Eriksson (17) Unassisted   16:53 2nd Ryan Spooner (3) from Milan Lucic, David Pastrnak       8:30 3rd Matt Puempel (1st career NHL goal) from Patrick Wiercioch,  Jean-Gabriel Pageau     Two sexy goals in your hometown? Ryan Spooner, come on down!   […]


66. Boston Bruins at Ottawa Senators. Gonna Take A Ride Into The Playoff Zone

Jesus Christ. Actually, based on the comments from yesterday and this morning regarding Gregory Campbell I should use the correct term for Jesus Christ. Please let me start over. If you don’t want to click the link, here’s is a reenactment: Gregory Campbell! It seems like every Bruins game for the next month or so […]


Quickcap. Bruins 3, Flyera 2

7:07 1st Zdeno Chara (6-Power Play) from Dougie Hamilton, Patrice Bergeron 9:43 2nd Jakub “Marshall’s Fantasy MVP” Voracek (20-Power Play) from Mark Streit, Claude Giroux 14th round of the draft. That’s when I got Voracek. No, I won’t shut up about it, Justin. You shut up.   15:30 3rd Chris Vande Velde from Nick Schultz, Brayden Schenn […]