78. Boston Bruins at Detroit Red Wings. Wait, 3rd in the Atlantic?

Looks at title. Looks at standings. Holy shit it is actually possible. If the Bruins win in regulation tonight they will have the same point total and ROW as the Red Wings. So what’s that mean? That means the league then looks at the total number of points earned between the two teams in their matchup. If […]


Dougie Hamilton Has Broken Ribs per Celtics’ Kelly Olynyk

So last night Celtics’ center and my basketball mancrush Kelly Olynyk accidentally disclosed that Dougie Hamilton has broken ribs. Here’s where the hypocrisy of the Boston media comes into play. Stanley Cup of Chowder’s Paul Wheeler wrote an amazing piece on the NHL using media as a weapon. It hit home so precisely that CSNNE’s […]


Sleepy Second Leads to Clutch Third. BRUINS F’ING WIN.

When the Panthers tied the game in the first you could see the Bruins get deflated. Like almost every game where they NEEDED to show up, they stopped playing. Then the second period happened and we wanted to punch our TV’s. The Bruins were letting  yet another important two points slip away and we were […]


David Pastrnak wins ’14-’15 Bruins Seventh Player Award

Considering the year the Bruins have had and how there have been so little bright spots this year for Boston, it shouldn’t be a huge surprise that David Pastrnak was named the 2014-2015 Seventh Player Award by the fans. Pastrnak has 25 points in 40 games played this season for the Bruins. Recent past recipients […]


77. Florida Panthers at Boston Bruins. Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!

A regulation win tonight would be fucking huge. It would essentially put the screws to Florida’s playoff hopes as the Panthers would need to make up 6 points in 5 remaining games. Of course that means Boston will go up 2-1 and they’ll take their foot off of the pedal and lose in a shootout. […]

smith unicorn


I am so ill prepared for this recap you guys. I had assumed that I’d be recapping another epic loss and was fully prepared to drown my sorrows in sad gifs and angry ranting, but guess what? That’s right friends. The Bruins won the game today against the New York Rangers, giving them a nice, […]


Senators Get Blown Out, But Bruins Blow It. BRUINS LOSE.

For the first part of this recap, you need to get the tune of an old classic in your head: Now you may proceed. This was going way better before the Bruins blew it and killed my motivation. Bruins really needed a Win here in Suckberg. Need points to catch the Sens from some Duck […]


The Birth of the NWHL

The NWHL, the National Women’s Hockey League, is slated to kick off next year. The league will comprise of four teams: The New York Riveters Buffalo Beauts Boston Pride Connecticut Whale From the fantastically talented


Hey Idiots, You Can’t Tank With 9 Games Left.

The Bruins have purchased, received their license and driven the black and gold struggle bus into a barber pole striped wall. They now see themselves on the outside looking into the NHL playoffs as the Ottawa Senators strap on their rocket skates and zoom into 8th place. With nine games left on the schedule, Bruins […]


Dougie Hamilton out indefinitely :(

I mean… we all knew this was coming but doesn’t make it hurt less… Bruins are currently out of a playoff spot, too. Ottawa is a point up with a game in hand.  


Welcome to the Boston Bruins Hunger Games!

Though the Bruins are out of the playoffs as of last night, they face a much bigger challenge. The Hunger Games have come to Boston and during the Reaping, all of the Bruins players were named as players and shuffled into Districts by yours truly. Who will survive? How will everyone die? How long will […]


Dear Bruins: You Stink and I Don’t Like You.

Bonus points for whoever gets this reference.  I am pretty sure all of this is not factual at all, but I am really fucking frustrated with the Bruins so you’re getting a rant. Enjoy it. Don’t enjoy. I don’t care. Last night was probably my tipping point on the Boston Bruins. I don’t think I […]


It’s Clobberin’ Time! Bruins Lose.

So Bergeron scored 33 seconds into the game and I was like…   Things looked like they might be on the upswing, but then some Lightning player whose name I will not even attempt to spell tied it up. Just one goal, no big deal, right?   J.T. Brown would give the Bolts the lead […]


Suck a Fart, Cats. *sigh* Bruins LOSE.

Once upon a time, nice things happened to the Bruins. They played good hockey and had good players and did good things. This is not that point in time. This is a point in time where the Bruins are struggling to get goals and make smart plays on the ice. The Bruins lost tonight to […]