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Introducing A Horrible New Feature: Worst Bruins Comments Of The Week

Hey dingleberries, welcome to a brand new feature here at DOY that will probably make you chuckle and/or want to throw yourself off the Tobin: Worst Bruins Comments of the Week. As you might have noticed, our bud Jim Lyons started a Twitter account (@BruinsComments) dedicated to pulling the stupidest, most insane, unintelligible comments regarding the Bruins from […]

Six Foot Party Sub

Me Lucic. Me No Smart. Bruins Lose.

First and foremost, I’d like to thank NESN for not airing the 21 minute (no exaggeration) pregame ceremony at the Bell Centre. You see, I have a fever that’s rapidly approaching 101 degrees and I really didn’t need all that hallucinatory stimuli. No, it’s not ebola. But if it is, I’m calling the Make-A-Wish foundation and […]


6. Boston Bruins at Montreal Canadiens. Not Real Revenge.

You know what really says revenge to me? After getting embarrassed in the playoffs going into the person’s home arena and winning a regular season game. That is what revenge is to me. Not, say, eliminating them if you face them in the next playoff series. Nope. Defeating them in a regular season match-up! That […]


Krejci 3:16 Says He Just Whipped Your Ass. BRUINS WIN!

Well that was something. Bruins played better. Not great, but better. Good step in the right direction. Having Krejci back is huge. Obviously. I mean just look what he did. His hands are so silky smooth that Victoria’s Secret has offered him a sponsorship deal. You know how everyone has that one really weird friend […]


Where Do Goals Come From? by Patrice Purrgeron

One night, during a game, the Bruins bench looked to the sky and saw something curious on the brightly colored board… Most of the Bruins hadn’t seen a goal before, and understandably they had questions… Uncle Purrgeron was a bit hesitant, but decided it was finally time the Bruins offense found out about the birds […]


5. Boston Bruins at Detroit Red Wings

“Don’t worry Pez, it is only Game 5!” will more than likely be the reaction if the Bruins lose tonight. I feel much better after my game 4 preview ranting but it didn’t really solve anything in terms of how I feel about this team. It isn’t that the Bruins are a bad team or […]


Gagne West’s new joint “Goal Getter”

[Tuukka Rask] He scored some goals When they were in need Man he’s a sniping man indeed Oh he’s a goal getter, way over time Who scored on me (Peter gives him money) Now I aint saying he’s a goal getter (goals are in need) But he aint playin with no one else bitter (Peter gives […]


A Days of Y’Orr Public Service Announcement

Over the past several days, we’ve received a lot of feedback regarding some of our opinions on our dear, dear Bruins. Apparently a lot of people are upset. Apparently we’ve offended a lot of people by things we’ve said or done. Apparently some of these people feel we should ease up on the Bruins or […]


Boston Bruins sign Simon Gagne to one-year deal

When you’re averaging one goal per game, you do things like this… From the Bruins press release: In his 13 seasons playing in the NHL, Gagne has scored a total of 288 goals with 309 assists for 597 points and a career plus-129 rating in 799 games. The 34-year-old most recently played with the Philadelphia […]


Special 6 Million Dollar Guest Recap. Bruins Lose.

Editor’s note: All of the DOY guys were busy doing better things that watching this hot pile of garbage, so we decided to bring in a guest writer today. Luckily, our number one choice wasn’t doing anything, so we bring you the musings of Bruins’ “first-line” winger, Milan Lucic.   Hey, gang. Milan Lucic here. […]


4. Colorado Avalanche at Boston Bruins. Are They Trying Yet?

Set to the tune of 1492. In the year fourteen of zero plus two, The Bruins started one and two. They were just slapped down in Washington, And the stench of losing followed them. They lost by day, they lost by night, Tuukka was burnt from the red goal light. They had no way to score […]

Ovie Smile

If a recap fell in the forest…Bruins LOSE (badly)!

I was actually in the airport the other day when Pez asked whether I was able to write this recap.  I, like the Bruins, was on my way home from the shit show that had transpired at the Joe on Thursday night.  Jokingly (or at least I thought at the time), I said if the […]


3. Washington Capitals at Boston Bruins. Take Back On The Boychuk Trade? Please?

Apologies in advance for any spelling or grammar errors, I just finished rinsing the bleach out of my eyes from Thursday night’s Bruins game, brought to you by Planned Parenthood. Man, the Bruins were bad the other night. When you’re facing a goalie as prone to catastrophe as Jimmy Howard, it’s probably in your best interest […]


David Pastrnak Would’ve Shot The Puck. Bruins Lose.

Autumn in Detroit. The abandoned buildings are changing colors, the Xanax it takes just to walk out the front door has a hint of pumpkin spice, and every day feels like Halloween when your city looks like an episode of Scooby Doo. Nope, those aren’t zombies and skeletons, it’s the Red Wings, a team whose average […]


2. Boston Bruins at Detroit Red Wings. CARON IS BACK!

You can’t keep a good man down. Jordan Caron is back with the Boston Bruins and all is right with the world as I steer the Jordan Caron bandwagon into a massive group of Bruins fans holding pitchforks and torches. Caron was recalled from Providence today but that doesn’t mean he is playing. He could […]